There’s a moment in every struggling relationship where you stop and ask yourself...Is this normal? Is this just a phase, or has something deeper changed? Maybe the passion that once came naturally now feels like a distant memory. Maybe you love your partner, but you feel more like roommates than lovers. Maybe you’ve tried to ignore it, but deep down, you know something has to change.
Walking away from a marriage, especially when the issue is intimacy, can feel overwhelming. But before making any life-changing decisions, it’s important to take a step back and look at the full picture. Is this something that can be repaired, or has the emotional and physical disconnect run too deep?
Firstly, Are You Actually in a Sexless Marriage?
Let’s clear up a common misconception: a sexless marriage isn’t necessarily one where sex never happens. Experts generally define it as having sex fewer than ten times a year. But numbers don’t tell the whole story. What really matters is how you feel about it.
Some couples rarely have sex but feel deeply connected and satisfied. Others may have occasional intimacy but feel neglected and emotionally distant. So the real question isn’t, How often are we having sex? It’s Are we both happy with our level of intimacy?
Short-term dry spells happen. Work stress, kids, health issues, all of these can take a temporary toll. But when the lack of intimacy stretches on indefinitely, and neither of you is making an effort to reconnect, that’s when deeper issues may be at play.
11 Reasons That Can Potentially Be Causing a Sexless Marriage
Sex and desire are complicated. It’s not always about physical attraction, it’s emotional, mental, and even biological. If intimacy has faded in your marriage, it’s likely not as simple as one partner losing interest. Here are some possible reasons why:
- Stress and exhaustion – When your brain is overloaded with worries, it’s hard to be in the mood.
- Self-esteem and confidence issues – If one partner feels insecure, they may withdraw from intimacy.
- Hormonal changes – Aging, pregnancy, menopause, or testosterone shifts can change libido.
- Medical conditions or medications – Certain medications and health issues can kill desire.
- Emotional disconnect – If there’s distance emotionally, physical closeness can feel forced.
- Depression and anxiety – Mental health struggles often impact intimacy in unexpected ways.
- Sexual trauma or past abuse – Unresolved trauma can create subconscious intimacy barriers.
- Routine and boredom – If sex becomes repetitive or predictable, desire can wane.
- Different libido levels – One partner naturally wanting sex more than the other can cause tension.
- Unspoken resentments – Lingering issues or conflicts can create emotional walls.
- Lack of effort – Sometimes, life just gets in the way, and intimacy stops being a priority.
One of the biggest mistakes people make is taking this personally. If your partner isn’t initiating, it doesn’t always mean they don’t want you. More often than not, there are deeper issues at play.
How a Sexless Marriage May Be Making You Both Feel
Lack of intimacy impacts people in different ways. If you’re the one craving more, you might feel rejected, unappreciated, or even undesirable. Resentment can creep in, and over time, emotional distance follows.
On the other hand, the partner with a lower sex drive may feel pressured, guilty, or anxious. They might not understand why their libido has changed, and that confusion can make them withdraw even more.
This dynamic creates a painful cycle, with one person feeling neglected, and the other feeling pressured. The more one partner pushes, the more the other pulls away, and neither feels truly understood.
So where does that leave you? How do you know whether to stay and work on things or if it’s time to let go?
How to Know Whether You Should Leave or Not
Have You Had a Conversation with Your Partner?
Yes, We Have Spoken – That’s a great first step! Talking openly about intimacy takes courage, and it shows that you care about finding a solution.
No, We Haven’t Spoken – Then it’s too soon to make a decision. Your partner may be struggling in ways you haven’t realised. Have that conversation before making assumptions.
Is Your Partner Understanding and Willing to Work with You on This Intimacy Issue?
Yes – If they acknowledge the issue and want to work on it, that’s a good sign. Solutions exist if both people are willing to make an effort.
No – If they dismiss your feelings, refuse to engage, or show no interest in change, that’s a red flag. Relationships should be a two-way street.
Is There Cheating (Infidelity) Involved?
No – If there’s still trust, there’s room to rebuild.
Yes – If infidelity is part of the equation, that changes everything. A marriage without trust is hard to salvage.
Is There Still Love Here?
No – If love has faded on both sides, forcing it won’t make you happy.
Yes – Love is a foundation, but is it mutual? If love is one-sided, the relationship may not be sustainable.
Have You Tried Spicing Things Up?
No – Routine kills passion. If you haven’t tried bringing excitement back, why not start now? Long-term relationships often fall into patterns, and while comfort is beautiful, too much predictability can dull the spark. The good news? It doesn’t take a grand gesture to reignite intimacy—it just takes a willingness to try something new.
At The Twosome Project, we’ve created two innovative games designed to help couples reconnect in a fun, engaging way.
The Scratch-Off Sex Poster Game – Think of it as an intimacy bucket list, but with an element of mystery and playfulness. Each square reveals a unique activity designed to bring excitement back into your love life. Whether it’s a new position, a sensual challenge, or a romantic date idea, this game encourages spontaneity and connection.
Tease Tower™ (Naughty Jenga) – Remember how fun Jenga was as a kid? We’ve taken that concept and given it an adult twist. Each block contains a sensual challenge or question that gets progressively more intimate as you play. It’s a perfect way to break the ice, communicate openly about desires, and build anticipation.
Sometimes, rekindling intimacy isn’t about waiting for the “perfect moment.” It’s about creating the right environment for connection, playfulness, and passion. These games provide that opportunity in a pressure-free way, allowing you to rediscover each other with curiosity and excitement.
Is the Problem That You Want to Be Intimate… But Not with Your Partner?
This is perhaps one of the hardest questions to ask yourself, but it’s also one of the most important. The truth is, that attraction can be unpredictable, and sometimes, even in loving relationships, feelings shift. If you find yourself longing for intimacy—but not with your partner—it’s time for deep self-reflection.
Start by asking yourself: Is this just fleeting curiosity, or is it a persistent feeling? It’s completely natural for people in long-term relationships to notice others, but when your desire for someone else outweighs your desire for your spouse, it’s worth exploring why.
Perhaps the emotional connection in your marriage has weakened over time, leaving you yearning for passion elsewhere. Maybe resentment, unresolved conflict, or simply boredom has dulled your attraction. Or, maybe your needs have evolved, and your partner is no longer fulfilling them.
Whatever the reason, ignoring this feeling won’t make it disappear. If you’re in this position, have an honest conversation with yourself before making any rash decisions. Are you willing to work on your relationship and try to reignite intimacy? Or do you feel like you’ve already checked out emotionally?
If you’re struggling with this, therapy can be incredibly beneficial. A professional can help you unpack these feelings in a safe, non-judgmental space and guide you toward clarity. But one thing is certain—staying in a relationship out of guilt or obligation is not fair to you or your partner. Honesty, both with yourself and with them, is the kindest path forward.
If your desires have shifted outside the marriage, it’s time for some honest self-reflection. Staying out of obligation isn’t fair to either of you.
Have You Both Tried Therapy?
If you’re struggling with intimacy in your marriage, have you genuinely given therapy a chance? It might feel like a daunting step, but you’re not alone in this. In the UK, studies suggest that over a quarter of relationships are sexless yet only a small percentage of couples actively seek professional help.
The truth is, that therapy can be a game-changer. Research indicates that around 70% of couples experience improvement in their relationships after engaging in therapy, and an even higher 90% report an increase in emotional well-being following professional intervention
Despite this, a staggering 76% of individuals in sexless relationships have never even considered therapy, and only 9% have attended sessions with a counsellor. That means many couples are struggling in silence, without realising that real, actionable solutions exist.
Therapy isn’t about placing blame or forcing uncomfortable conversations. It’s about creating a safe, structured space where both partners can express their needs, explore underlying issues, and work towards rekindling emotional and physical intimacy. Whether it’s individual counselling or couples therapy, professional guidance can help you rebuild the connection that may feel lost.
If you haven’t tried therapy yet, why not consider it before making any final decisions? Sometimes, all it takes is the right tools and a willingness to work together to reignite what once felt impossible.
Many couples find therapy to be a game-changer. In fact, studies show that relationship counselling has helped countless UK couples rebuild intimacy when both partners are willing to engage.
Final Thoughts
Walking away from a marriage is never easy. But you deserve happiness, connection, and a fulfilling partnership. If there’s still love and effort from both sides, there’s hope. And if not, it’s okay to let go.
At The Twosome Project, we wholeheartedly believe intimacy should be fun, playful, and exciting. Our spicy couples’ games are designed to help you reconnect, explore, and bring passion back into your relationship because love should always feel like an adventure.
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